Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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