You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
