I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
