sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
