On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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