i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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