do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
