we're chasing vodka with high fives
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
