forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
they're like a gay fantastic four
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
