Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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