This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
