I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
