dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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