All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
bring money and cleavage
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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