That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think a kid would responsible me up
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
