i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
