The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize