Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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