There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
