does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
