I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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