she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
