Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
