there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
