what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
