once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
