Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
