The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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