I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
