What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
