Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
