Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
