you guys were way drunker than both of me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
