Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
