Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
this is an emotional support booty call
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize