im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
