Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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