I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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