everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
where am i from again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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