I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
