You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
