So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
