She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We are all done wearing pants today
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
