Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
