Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
