So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
