I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
