I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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