Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Randomize
