the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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