We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
