In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
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Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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