is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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