I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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