One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
