You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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