Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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