No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
