and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize