I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
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The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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