no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
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Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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