I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
