walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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