wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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