I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
