Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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