It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he thought i was a dude.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
