I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
