I am spending my child support on dildos
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
