Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
