HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
