what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
