Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
