I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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