belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
