Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
