You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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