Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
