I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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