U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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