She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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