there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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