The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
