no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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