Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize