i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
